The Divorced and Remarried
Pastors, Leaders and Membership
War

the Number one war
divorced and remarried pastors, leaders and membership war

I believe that our world is asking the same question
that Pontius Pilate asked Jesus Christ
over 2000 years ago,
"What is truth?"
(Link>John 18:38<Link)

 

God's Word

Pastors & Elders

1 Timothy 3:1-2a 
"This is a faithful saying: If a man desires the position of a bishop, he desires a good work. [2] A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife,..."

Titus 1:5-6a
"For this reason I left you in Crete, that you should set in order the things that are lacking, and appoint elders in every city as I commanded you-- [6] if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife,...."

Deacons

1 Timothy 3:12a   
"Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ..."

Jesus Christ and divorce and remarriage

Matthew 5:32
"but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

Mark 10:11-12
And He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; [12] and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery."

Luke 16:18
"Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery."

And His Disciples said,
"If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry." (Matthew 19:10 )

The Holy Spirit through then Apostle Paul

Romans 7:2-3
"
For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. [3] So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man."
 

Occasionally something is said to me that shocks me.

Immediately following is the most dangerous
church family "positional statement"
that I have ever read in my entire life!!
I've heard it said but I had never actually seen it in writing.
 

The "Executive" Pastor of a North Carolina church eMailed their church family position statement concerning  marriage, divorce and  divorce & remarriage.  The following is a direct cut and paste from their doctrinal statement and is by far the most dangerous statement that I have ever read in my life:

Their Pastors teach:
     (church family statement) 
    "Christians that have remarried after a non-biblical divorce need to repent of
      their past sin, but are not obligated or free to correct their past error by
      divorcing their current spouse"

      (the red and underline highlight is my addition)

Please note their wording, "non-biblical divorce" and "need to repent".

Question: What does non-Biblical divorce indicate?
       Answer:
A sinful divorce!

Question:
What does repentance mean?
      
Answer: Stop, stay away from, get out of, etc.!

Question:
What are they calling this sin of remarriage?
      
Answer: A past sin.

Question:
Why is this church pastor and leadership teaching individuals
                 who are living in sin -- past sins or present sins --
that they are
                 "not obligated or free to correct" their past and present life style
                 sin but they must remain living in sin?!

         

FYI: You need to know that this church ministry doesn't provide a single verse of Scripture for their new doctrine. I have asked the Executive Pastor for their Scriptural foundation for this heresy and he hasn't refused to provide the Scriptures. 

God's command as written to the Church, to you and me is
     Romans 6:1-2, "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that
     grace may abound
? [2] Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live
     any longer in it?"

Acts 17:30, "Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent."

That statement is the most dangerous statement that I have ever read in my life because:

1) the authors of their church family doctrine are knowingly and willfully changing
    the very commands of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ!

2) The logical progression of sinful mankind (the sin nature) is that if the sin of
     remarriage doesn't have to be stopped, then my sin (i.e., homosexuality)
     doesn't have to be stopped either.  A direct quote from a homosexual relative.

It can be rightly said that if adulterers are allowed membership and leadership status, how can you exclude the homosexuals and any other "alternate lifestyle living arrangement" individual from membership and leadership?!  (See the congressional movement concerning this issue and what it is going to mean to the 501c3 church (church ministry and property tax status) and membership tax exemptions  -- Link>>> immediate  action.

     
     The Scriptural proof for point #2 is found in
           A) Ecclesiastes 8:11,
"Because the sentence against an evil work is not
                 executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set 
                 in them to do evil."
                 Note the progression:
                a) an evil work, singular progresses to
                b) the sons of men, plural!

      
       This is a parallel truth to:
           B) 1 Corinthians 5:6, "Your glorying is not good. Do you not know that 
                a little leaven leavens the whole lump?"
                 Note the progression:
                a) a little leaven, a small amount progresses to
                b) leavens the whole, all becomes leavened! 

Readers, the words "Repent" and "Repentance" are found in the Word of God a minimum 110 times.  The combination of the terms repent, repentance and turn from are found in the Scriptures a minimum of 181 timesEach and every time these words are found, they mean that whatever is in reference is to "cease / stop" immediately.  When our Lord says to you and me to repent, He means stop, stop and don't ask questions just stop it.  To teach that someone "needs to repent of their past sin, but are not obligated or free to correct " is a very dangerous heresy!!  

The following four statements shocked me:

Shocking Statement #1:
Concerning Church membership, one Church leader said "we don't care if you've been married and divorced ten times."

Shocking Statement #2:
"Our Assistant Pastor is divorced and he isn't remarried, yet."

Shocking Statement #3:
A pastor angrily asked me, "Why did the Apostle Paul command the "unmarried" (divorced) to remarry?!"  

Shocking Statement #4: (What this Brother said to me totally shocked me because he has been the Pastor of a fundamental Baptist Church family for almost 30 years.)

My wife and I were invited to visit his local Church fellowship after being told by a member that they had recently had a major membership war over the issue of divorce and remarriage; his Pastor had taken the hard (unpopular) stand against divorce and remarriage and many of the members left the Church family.   One morning, after the worship service, my wife and I were discussing divorce and remarriage with his Pastor and he said to me, with my wife at my side, "Brother, I have thoroughly studied the Bible from cover to cover and I  have never found a single verse of Scripture that allows for remarriage following a divorce."  The Lord led me to press this issue just one step further with the question, "do you have the divorced and remarried in the membership," he replied, "we do not have the divorced and remarried in positions of leadership." 

My spirit witnessed to me that he was hedging the truth, why didn't he answer my question?  As we were leaving, this Brother promised to call me so we could discuss fellowship.  We attended several more worship services and our phone never rang and he never pursued my question.  Out of disappointment and frustration I asked the same question in a letter and he responded with, "we have some divorced and remarried in our membership just as we have other members who are disobedient to the Word of God in their lives."  This Pastor has been the Pastor of that Church family for almost thirty years and yet, in violation of his own knowledge of the Word of God, he has allowed the divorced and remarried to become members of the Church family of which God has made him an Overseer and Protector.  I didn't ask what the previous split was over.  I suspect that it had to be over not allowing a divorced and remarried member who was in good and regular standing not being allowed into leadership, i.e., Deacon or teacher.

Of the three shocking statements, Statement #3 is more disturbing, disappointing, discouraging and shocking because I simply do not understand what this Pastor is thinking.  We're fairly close in age and I'm sure that he remembers, just as I do, when our Christian families and Church family memberships were strong, vibrant and growing.

All three answers indicate that God's doctrine concerning the sanctity and permanence of marriage isn't highly esteemed by the Pastor or Church leaders, and, even more attention getting is that they are indicating that willful disobedience to God's known will isn't to be feared.  Personally, I confess to you that there are times when I frankly do not know if I obey the Word of God by faith or -- am I simply afraid of the Lord's anger?  The Apostle Paul said:   

"Wherefore we labor, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of Him. [10] For we must all appear before the judgment seat [Bema Seat] of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. [11] Knowing therefore the terror [Greek word Phobos means exceeding fear] of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are made manifest in your consciences, 2 Corinthians 5:9-11."

The writer of the letter to the dispersed Hebrews wrote:

 "How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace? [30] For we know Him who said, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay." And again, "The Lord will judge His people." [31] It is a terrifying {*Greek phoberos) thing to fall into the hands of the living God, Hebrews 10:29-31.

The letter to the Hebrews is written to the saved and unsaved Hebrews.  The context of these three verses is in conversation with the saved / Christian Hebrews and the writer, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, and is warning them to not turn away from their obedient faith that they had previously demonstrated.  To do that would bring about the angry discipline of God in their lives.  The Greek word, phoberos. means frightful, i.e. (object) formidable :- fearful, terrible

This next section contains
reasons Pastors have given me
for disobeying their convictions
.

Before reading their reasons, the following are three very important verses for you to consider
as you r
ead them.
I'm not being mean spirited. I'm attempting to warn
and
encourage you in the truth!

Revelation 21:8 
"
But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral,
sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death." 
Remember, these men will assure you that they
are saved individuals, after all,
they are....Pastors!!

Revelation 21:27 
"But there shall by no means enter it (Heaven) anything that defiles, or causes an abomination or a lie, but only those who are written in the Lamb's Book of Life."
Remember, these men will assure you that they
are saved individuals, after all,
they are....Pastors!!

Revelation 22:15 
"But outside (Heaven) are dogs and sorcerers and sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie." 
Remember, these men will assure you that they
are saved individuals, after all,
they are....Pastors!!

The following are actual quotes and not hearsay or gossip:

As you read the following, ask yourself, is this my Pastor or the Minister who officiated at my wedding?

**A number of years ago a Pastor in a neighboring city thought it would be very helpful if my wife and I became members of his ministry and gave him a helping hand.  Before joining his ministry I gave him my "Philosophy of Ministry" manuscript that gives great detail about our convictions concerning divorce and divorce / remarriage.  After several months of helping the ministry by teaching a singles and married couples class, one of the deacons called and asked to meet with me.  He started the conversation by telling me that he was divorced and remarried and "he was very sure that my wife and I were not aware of his situation."  He also wanted me to know that at the next annual business meeting, of the five men to be considered for the "Office of Deacon," three were divorced men whose divorced wives were still living and that two of those men would certainly be elected.  The majority of the Deacon's Board would be divorced and remarried men whose divorced wives were still living.

When I confronted the Pastor, this is what I was told:

"Brother.  When I graduated from Seminary I didn't believe in divorce and remarriage while a divorced spouse was still alive.  In my very first ministry I was confronted with the issue and I had to make a decision.   Because I believed that the Lord had called me to preach and ... because I had a family to feed, I made the decision to preach and feed my family".

Question: Did this Pastor say that he had changed his mind about
                   what the Word of God taught?
Answer:    No, he changed his approach to ministry!
Question
Did he become a liar -- just so he could preach?
Question
Is he remaining in his ministry by causing and practicing
                    a lie
?  

**One Pastor said, "Brother, if I preached Romans 7:2-4, and 1 Corinthians 7:39, I wouldn't have a church left."

Question: Did this Pastor say that he had changed his mind about
                   what the Word of God taught?
Answer:    No, he changed his approach to ministry!
Question Did he become a liar -- just so he could preach?
Question:  
Is he remaining in his ministry by causing and practicing
                    a lie
?

The following is my personal experience concerning this very issue:

In 1982, I was 37 years old, a husband and a father of three sons (one in junior high and two in high school) when I was called and installed in my very first ministry.   I had no idea that over 90% of the membership and visitors were divorced and remarried with a divorced spouse yet living.  I was their Pastor for over six-months when the Lord gave me a message concerning the sanctity and permanence of marriage and I didn't preach that message.  For two weeks I did not preach that message and the Sunday morning of the third week, as I was in the kitchen getting ready to leave for church, our Lord stopped me with a very quiet, "Robert, when are you going to preach that message I gave you?"  Instantly I knew what message it was and immediately and without any hesitation I TEARFULLY AND FEARFULLY said to Him, "Lord, if I preach that message 90% of the members and visitors will not return for the evening service.  HE REMAINED SILENT.  Guess what folks?  I was correct!  After preaching that message, those members and visitors that were divorced and remarried with a divorced spouse yet living did not return.  The very next day, Monday, following the preaching of that message -- our mail box began filling up with letters containing checks from folks we had never heard of or met in our lives.  It was then that I realized that our Lord had just taught me the most important lesson that I was ever going to learn as a Pastor Shepherd in a very convincing manner, "the Church is His Church and not my Church."  We had a conviction then that was reinforced at that time and continues to this very day that God's work done God's way will never lack God's provisions.  We have never asked anyone, family, friends, Churches or even our Home Mission for funds to support us in our ministries.  Our God doesn't fail His servants!!  When our God calls -- He empowers!  When He empowers He pays the bills!!!  37 years of age was over 30 years ago.  Since that remarkable Sunday of my very first Pulpit ministry, I've Pastored Churches, Interim Pastored Churches, Pulpit supplied, have been guest speaker, closed, reorganized and started Churches.  I'm now almost 70 years old and our Lord is yet being faithful!

Today, this web site continues reaching folks across our globe with the truths from the Word of God concerning Salvation in and through the shedding of our Saviour, Jesus Christ's blood, His death, burial and His resurrection; the sanctity and permanence of life (in and out of the womb) and marriage (until death). 

**Many Pastors have said, "When I graduated from Seminary I didn't agree with divorce and remarriage while a divorced spouse was still alive..."but" ...the Church that called me had those folks as members."

Question: Did these Pastors say they had changed their mind
                   about what the Word of God taught?
Answer:    No, they changed their approach to ministry!
Question
Did they become a liar -- just so they could preach?
Question:  
Are they remaining in ministry by causing and practicing
                    a lie
?

**Very many Pastors have said, "When I graduated from Seminary I didn't agree with divorce and remarriage while a divorced spouse was still alive..."but" ...all of the other men in my area [conference, denomination, association etc.] are doing it."

Question: Did these Pastors say they had changed their mind
                   about what the Word of God taught?
Answer:    No, they changed their approach to ministry!
Question
Did they become a liar -- just so they could preach?
Question:  
Are they remaining in ministry by causing and practicing
                    a lie
?

**I've heard the following so many times that I've lost count: "When I graduated from Seminary I didn't agree with divorce/remarriage while a divorced spouse was still alive..."but" the members of my congregation told me over and over again that Dr. Herb Vander Lugt, Radio Bible Class; Dr. Charles Swindoll and Dr. James Dobson, Focus on the Family all teach that God's mercy and grace covers this."

Question: Did these Pastors say they had changed their mind
                   about what the Word of God taught?
Answer:    No, they changed their approach to ministry!
Question
Did they become a liar -- just so they could preach?
Question:  
Are they remaining in ministry by causing and practicing
                    a lie
?

You've read the above "actual" Pastoral statements.
Question:
What happens to disingenuous and lying Pastors? 

Revelation 21:8 
"
But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral,
sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death." 

Revelation 21:27 
"But there shall by no means enter it anything that defiles, or causes an abomination or a lie, but only those who are written in the Lamb's Book of Life."

Revelation 22:15 
"But outside are dogs and sorcerers and sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie."

What did Jesus teach concerning remarriage?

Matthew 5:32
"but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

Mark 10:11-12
And He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; [12] and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery."

Luke 16:18
"Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery."

And His Disciples said,
"If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry." (Matthew 19:10 )

FOUR QUESTIONS THAT REQUIRE ANSWERS:

QUESTION #1-
Is there a single verse of Scripture in the entire word of God that adultery means something other than adultery? 

QUESTION #2-
Is there a single verse of Scripture in the entire word of God that adultery is not sinful?

QUESTION #3-
Is there a single verse of Scripture in the word of God that adultery must not be discontinued to receive God's forgiveness? 

QUESTION #4-
Did Jesus Christ lie when he said through the Apostle Paul, "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? [2] Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" [Romans 6:1-2]

in a nutshell, Why Church membership or leadership isn't an option for the divorced and remarried:

1- God hates divorce [Malachi 2:16a].

Two questions:
(A)
Why would our Righteous God reward someone with Church family
       membership and leadership for living something He hates?
(
B) Would your earthly Dad reward you for doing something he warned
       you in writing, "I hate that"?

2- God calls divorce a violent and treacherous act, creating a violent
     and treacherous individual who lives a life of deception
[Malachi 2:16b].

Question: Why would our Righteous God reward anyone with Church family membership and leadership for living a violent, treacherous and deceitful lifestyle? 
[1 Corinthians 5:8]

3- Jesus Christ said that divorce comes from hardheartedness, i.e. (special)
    destitution of (spiritual) perception [Matthew 19:8; Mark 10:5].

Question:   Jesus Christ, the Head of the Church, says to each one of us that divorce comes from a hard heart!  Why would our Righteous God and Saviour, Jesus Christ, reward someone with Church family membership and leadership for living life with a hardened heart?

4- God warns Church members that divorce and remarriage is a living 
    lifestyle, 24-7-52, adultery [Romans 7:2-3, 1 Corinthians 7:39] and no 
    adulterer, Church  members included
, will ever enter into the Kingdom of
    God / God's Heaven.  The following are links to explain why remarriage when
    a divorced spouse is yet living is adultery:
                 
The irrevocable one flesh relationship;
                  What is the seriousness of the "one Flesh Relationship";
                 
The irrevocable wedding vows;
                  God will not honor our 21st. Century Church "Absolution" of sin.

Question: If folks guilty of living in adultery cannot enter into the Kingdom of God, God's Heaven, how can they be Church family members and leaders here on earth? [1 Corinthians 6:10]

5- God hasn't changed His mind about divorce and remarriage today.
    [Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 13:8]

6- FACT: 
    Adulterers, and all other lifestyle sexual sinners, are specifically
    excluded in writing from attendance, membership and the Communion
    table.  [1 Corinthians 5:11-13].

Question: If folks living in adultery are excluded in writing from membership and the Communion Table of the local Church family, how can they possibly be Pastors or leaders?

7- Christ warned the Church concerning sexual sins in the Apostle Paul's
     first letter to the Churches at Corinth [1 Corinthians 5:1 - 7:39].

8- Christ warns the Corinthian church family again via the Apostle Paul's
     second letter to the Churches at Corinth that many had not repented of
     those sexual sins [2 Corinthians 13:21].

9- Christ's warning is, though they are Church members, they probably
     are not even Born Again. [2 Corinthians 13:1-6]

FYI:
It makes no difference who you have been listening to, i.e. Dr. John McArthur, Dr. Charles Swindoll or Dr. James Dobson (as well as scores of others).  By the way, all three of these men, Dr. John McArthur, Dr. Charles Swindoll and Dr. James Dobson call remarriage, sin.  Where the problem is, this is the only sin (that I personally know of in their ministries) that they do not teach, preach or live in shoe leather that it must be stopped.  Why is this sin of adultery an exception?  Repentance means to stop the sin (2 Corinthians 12:21; Ephesians 5:1-6; Colossians 3:1-6; Romans 6:12-16; 1 Corinthians 6:9-10) and not just admit that it is a sin.  To only admit that a sin  is a sin and not stop the sin results in unheard prayers.   Question, are these three men and other Pastors, Church Family leaders and members guilty of the sin of granting an "Absolution" for a "particular" sin?  Follow this link -- ABSOLUTION FOR SIN -- and decide for yourself.  

John 9:31 
"Now we know that God does not hear sinners; but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does His will, He hears him."
 

Job 27:8-9 
"For what is the hope of the hypocrite, though he may gain much, if God takes away his life? [9] Will God hear his cry when trouble comes upon him?"

Proverbs 1:28 
"Then they will call on me, but I will not answer; they will seek me diligently, but they will not find me."

Proverbs 28:9 
"One who turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination."

Isaiah 1:15 
"When you spread out your hands, I will hide My eyes from you; even though you make many prayers, I will not hear. Your hands are full of blood."

Question: Our Lord has warned us in writing, over and over again.  Why should Pastors, leaders and members be questioning why their families and ministries are self-destructing and dying?  

If you are a member of a Church and you are divorced and remarried, and, your divorced spouse is yet living, you have disqualified yourself from Church membership.  If you were a Pastor of a Church and you divorced, remarried and your divorced spouse is yet living, you are disqualified as a Pastor!  You did it to yourself.

The divorced and remarried in Church membership
in greater detail

Link to 
the divorced and remarried in membership  (in greater detail)

Updated 4:20 PM, September 9,2011

I've just finished a phone conversation with a local pastor with a large membership.  I asked him a question concerning the eligibility for Church leadership and membership regarding the divorced and remarried individuals who had a living divorced spouse.  He said that his ministry had these folks as members.  I "politely" asked if he had a single verse of Scripture permitting their membership.  Without hesitation he answered:

"If you're going to hold us to that standard
we aren't the church for you."

This pastor cannot show you or me a single verse of Scripture out of
1,189 chapters and 31,240 verses (+/-) in our Bibles
that clearly say, God approves of divorce and remarriage
while a divorce spouse is yet living.

 

I believe that our world is asking the same question
that Pontius Pilate asked Jesus Christ
over 2000 years ago,
"What is truth?"
John 18:38

From my personal Christian and Pastoral experience, coupled with a lifetime of personal conversations with individuals, observations, and over nearly 20 years of having the Lord's and my "world wide web ministry" online, answering emails and phone calls, I can emphatically say to you that because of this war, EVERYONE IS LOSING, especially the Christian family and the lost / unsaved observers of today's church!!  Sadly, the men behind the pulpit, my peers, are to be blamed.

 
"GoldenFaithBibleChurch.org" is not a 501c3 organization.
You will receive a receipt for your financial gifts, be aware, your gifts are not tax deductible.

 
Please be advised, Rev. Robert J. Kuiphoff is an Ordained Minister of the Word of God and is not a licensed or trained Attorney, Psychologist, Psychiatrist or Medical Practitioner or Physician.  Any and all counsel, suggestions and / or advice derived from www.goldenfaithbiblechurch.org or via email, telephone or personal conversations with Rev. Robert J. Kuiphoff is based solely upon Rev. Robert J. Kuiphoff's personal convictions concerning the Word of God; his personal interpretation of the Word of God and his lengthy experience counseling and advising men, women and children concerning the Christian Life and daily walk in the world that we all live in from the Word of God and / or his personal observations and experiences.

In Jesus name,
Pastor K

This is my personal mailbox.
How are you doing?  How can I encourage you?

Sincerely,
Rev. Robert J. (Pastor K) Kuiphoff

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